dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
