On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
