I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
