You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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