How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
