I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
