my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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