Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so let's talk penis.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
