At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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