i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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