woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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