I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
