Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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