I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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