oh god the rape fog is back!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
