I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.