What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program