Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.