I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat