There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.