You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
