New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize