ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
