Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
