Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
