i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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