saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
