it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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