Need sex. Gaining weight.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
