he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my poor anus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
