Cold hands, warm shart.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
