Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize