just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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