I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
