If i come over, it means nothing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
