I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
