so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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