Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize