Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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