is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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