You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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