She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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