My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Michael Bay diarrhea
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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