i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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