there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
