My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
