There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
