dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
