Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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