i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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