the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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