After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
