so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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