If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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