what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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