I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
