So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
