If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't deserve a penis
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
