i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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