I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
