i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
