More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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