Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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